Four years ago today Libby and I sat in our home study together. We were a bit shell-shocked and, at the same time, energized by what we were about to do. I had been composing an email to the leaders of our church, Bent Tree Bible Fellowship, letting them know that I was resigning as their pastor. I read it and reread it over and over. There was so much to say, and so much I couldn’t.
I was at the end of a leave of absence that I had requested because I was struggling. I had been in intense therapy for 90 days and was emotionally raw and in a very tender place. Libby and I had met two successive mornings with the elders to discuss the next steps, and the result of those conversations led Libby and me to a place of peace around leaving.
But pushing that ‘send’ button wasn’t easy.
We loved the people of Bent Tree, and we knew they were confused about what was going on with me. I loved preaching and leading the team I had the joy of serving with. Yet, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. So, I pushed ‘send.’ I sat stunned at my desk as Libby wrapped her arms around me from behind. I rocked back and forth. It was over.
Four years have passed since that day. Bent Tree has moved on, and so have we. We still live in an RV. Libby is a Neurocoach, skillfully helping her clients rewire their brains and regain their lives, and I coach C-Suite executives and Business owners on their inner world and self-care. It is a full life, and we are grateful.
I haven’t preached since I left Bent Tree. There are multiple reasons for that.
One, I had to get healthy before I could stand in front of others.
Two, I didn’t think I could stay healthy if I was standing in front of others.
Three, I didn’t know what I would preach because so much was shifting inside of me.
Four, I was really enjoying simply being a guy who lives with his wife in a ‘van down by the river.’
I get asked often if I will preach again. It was one of my true joys in life, but as of right now, I don’t see it. Why? See numbers 1 through 4 above… those things are still all active in my life.
But I have decided that I would like to use my voice in a new way. A way that allows me to continue on my path of healthy growth, while I speak about things from my ever morphing, perspective.
I’m starting a Podcast.
I’m calling it KindaVangelical…
This is a podcast where we’ll discuss the awkward transition between evangelicalism and… well, something else, something different.
This is the journey I have been on for the past 4 years. I realize this might be a bit disconcerting to some of you, but I don’t think of myself as evangelical anymore. However, there are aspects of evangelicalism that are sticking to my bone marrow… I’m KindaVangelical.
And I know I’m not alone.
I think there are better ideas out there, fresh thinkers, and beautiful ways of living the Christian life, so I’m going to talk about them, interview them, and invite you to discover them with me.
I’ve been busy recording some interviews for season one of KindaVangelical and am so excited for you to meet my friends and hear their thoughts.
I’ll be sharing more information in the coming days; we hope to launch by the end of April.
I would love to hear from you in the comments below if you feel like a KindaVangelical or find yourself concerned about your kids who have left the church. Please share with me any topics you’d like me to address in the coming episodes.